she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
