in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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