i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
being pregnant is like rehab
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
