Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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