Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
ttyl tear gas
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
