I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
