FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
