Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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