when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The Olympian is in my bed
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
