come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
