dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize