i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm always down for nudity.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
