It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i dont even know how to be here
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
