he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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