Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
