Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
