??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
