why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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