Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
