youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think your dad took our porno
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Randomize
