So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
