We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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