By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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