A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
