I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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