Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
