dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
