Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
