How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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