it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
