So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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