You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
