I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize