Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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