I think im going to throw up on grandma
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
