my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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