Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
her vagine was all disorganized.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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