Only a mothe r could love this liver
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
