I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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