dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
