I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pants are for mortals
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