dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The air taste purple.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
