I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
