I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
