He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
