Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
