Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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