he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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