Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
