well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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