I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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