I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
