Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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