She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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