Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
