Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
