I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
