oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
