seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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