i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
