Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
