I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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