well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
