Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
