Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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