Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
