Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(318): View more from Louisiana

i was rollin on her like bob the builder

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down

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(732): View more from New Jersey

you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out

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(347): View more from New York

He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."

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(586): View more from Michigan

Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!

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(425): View more from Washington

So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy

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