Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
