So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
