it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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