once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize