This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
