my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
