I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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