I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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