i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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