I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize