i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
