I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
3pm strippers are depressing
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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