I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
