Your face is a jimmy john
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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