Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Floor bacon is actually really good
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
