You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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