I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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