All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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