I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
