i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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