i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
