I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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