Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
