this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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