I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
