I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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