he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
