its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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