umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
