Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
