you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
