OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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