i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
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