there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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