I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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