Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
me + whiskey = a bad person
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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