i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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