if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
