Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize