Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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