Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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