Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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