I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
