Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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