The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
