There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
