Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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